I offer men an astonishing life hack for men.

Try wearing a cross-body bag.

This life hack is just for men because I’m suggesting they try wearing a purse like me. Women won’t get much mileage from this hack cuz culture conditions them to wear purses and carry a fun little bag around with all their stuff in it. Men, now is the time for us to do this too.

My girlfriend got a cross-body bag and seemed a lot happier. She could leave the house faster without worrying about forgetting her stuff. She got a leopard print, but I thought that looked a little too sexy, so I got the green one.

Why A Cross-Body Bag?

Why not? There are at least seven advantages.

• It’s less heavy and bulky than a backpack
• You can put all your stuff in it.
• It’s got zippers, so you won’t lose anything.
• Your pants will look cooler and less lumpy.
• Your butt won’t hurt from sitting on your phone all weird.
• You can organize your stuff easier.
• It’s like always having a big jacket.

But Why Cross Body Bags Now?

I’m writing about them. You’re reading about them. A guy at the mall asked me where I got mine, and I saw another guy on my street with the same one I had. Remember, I live in Los Angeles, so I innately know what’s trending!

The time is now, men. Well, technically, the time is summer, so depending on your hemisphere, the time is either now or very soon.

But Is Wearing A Cross-Body Bag Ethically Responsible?

I’m not sure.

– Nicky Website

But there is one thing that I know. Climate change is coming, and scientists agree that the world is heating up. Did I mention I live in Los Angeles? It’s warm here, and almost always uncomfortable to wear a jacket.

But I need extra pocket real estate to carry all my cool stuff around. That’s why I wear the purse, and I don’t care who judges me, except nobody judges me. Honestly, some days, it feels like everybody doesn’t even notice I exist.

Cross-body bags have also simplified my life. You could wear it at your side. It’s not a messenger bag, but you can wear it like one.

The new capacity freed me from one of my anxieties, and now I only have ten thousand left. When I leave the house, I always check for The Holy Trinity: the phone, the wallet, the keys. “Phone, wallet, keys” is my mantra, my ward of protection against being locked out, unable to buy stuff, or worse, unable to check my sites.

Thanks to the cross-body bag, I just put all that crap in the bag, and I only need to remember one thing, “Bag,” and usually, my phone is in my hands anyway because of my super sweet addiction.

What Should I Put In A Cross-Body Bag?

In YOUR cross-body bag, you can carry items like:

• Phone
• Wallet
• Keys
• Notebook
• Headphones
• Yo-yo
• Sunscreen
• Fragrances and deodorants
• Gum
• Gameboy
• Drugs & paraphernalia (pending municipal code)
• Weapons (pending municipal code)

What’s the downside?

Q: So what’s the catch? Does the bag hurt? Does it cause back pain? Is it illegal?

A: No.

The tragic downside is you could forget the bag someplace, and then you’re screwed. All your stuff was in there. Without that stuff, you won’t even be able to buy another bag to replace the first. Without ID, you’ll be thrust into a quagmire of bureaucracy, your life a Kafkaesque nightmare, cursing the little man on Medium who told you to start wearing a purse.

But Fear Not, Fellas, Because I Have A Lifehack Within A Lifehack To Make Sure You Don’t Lose Your Purse

The operative word in Cross Body Bag is body.

Simply never take the bag off your body until you are back in your house because no matter where you go, you cannot forget your body. That’s physically impossible.

– Nicky website

Another downside is they’re fifty bucks, which seems kinda high. It’s a lot less fabric than a backpack. And yet, backpacks are more expensive than ever nowadays, thanks to inflation, which is a topic out of the scope of this article.

What Can’t You Carry In A Cross-Body Bag?

You can’t fit a laptop in it, but you could carry a dumb computer you can’t do anything on like this one.

You can’t carry groceries in your cross-body bag unless you just get one grocery. So grocery, no groceries.

You can’t carry wet stuff in the bag, but come on, why would you want to do that? Put sopping wet stuff in your bag with all your important things in it. Really? Use your head.

Where Do I Buy One?

I got mine from Baggu. No affiliate link, so I don’t care where you buy one. I saw Vans makes one now. I suppose you could get a fanny pack or a tiny backpack and just strap it up differently.

Listen, here in Los Angeles, we have a saying, “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a cross-body bag.”

So buy one. You’re a man, not a child. You read lifehack advice on Medium.com. You can find a bag you like and put your stuff inside it.

Why Did You Write This?

To spread knowledge and joy. I am free from the constraints of tiny pockets. I can carry a notebook, a couple of pens, extra headphones, whatever. I am a Marsupial Man.

Next Steps

If you liked this post, put everything you own into bags and connect the bags to your body.